How to Ask Out Your Partner

When the relationship standard becomes “pursuing personal interests” on the weekend evenings, or even the weekday evenings, how do you change that behavior?

In my attempts to start this blog over a month ago, I kept running into this single problem.  At the time, I was trying to keep my project a secret which augmented the problem.  Any sway from the “norm” becomes suspicious, for better or worse.  This would not have otherwise been a problem if I was not concerned about keeping the first few dates simple and low-key.  

It’s funny how we rediscover the same challenge throughout the life of our relationship.

When you’re single and alone:

“If only I had a girl/boy friend, I wouldn't have to worry about the anxiety of asking out a stranger.”

When you’re single and in a relationship:

“If only we were married, I wouldn't have to worry about asking to do something inappropriate to the level of our relationship, either too serious or too casual.”

When you’re married:

“If only we liked doing the same stuff, I wouldn't have to worry about asking to do something I want to do, but doing it together.”

-OR-

“If only we had established different habits from the beginning, I wouldn't have to worry about asking for things to change now.”

If you don’t recognize the challenge, it’s simply asking someone out.  So we’re back to where we started.  Given that you’re in a relationship, married or otherwise, how do you ask out your partner?  The answer, as it turns out, it much simpler than actually doing it.  Depending on the mood you’re looking for, here are a few suggestions that I've thought of.

“Old school-” Dating now doesn't have to be any different than it was before

• Phone call - if you both have cell phones, great.  Otherwise, use a work phone or a public phone. Or, if you can find one, a pay phone.  Just make it the sole purpose of the call to ask her/him out.
• Text/IM msg - while it is less formal, it is a common method used in today’s society.  But use it only for casual dates, not for the special occasions.
• Letter invite - email could be included here, but there is always something special about receiving a letter, whether it’s formal or just a note on the mirror.

Casual- The benefit of being in a relationship is that not everything has to be a major ordeal (some might argue that point)

• Announcement - depending on your partner’s flexibility, just slip it in over dinner conversation, “Hey, I was thinking we could go…<do something>...this weekend.”
• Last minute - if your plan is not dependent on a specific day, just wait for free time and offer to fill that time, “You have a plan for tonight? You wanna go out?”
• Schedule - if your partner is really good about keeping a schedule and updating a calendar, just pencil some time in when you can, then don’t say another word.

Formal- Another benefit of a relationship is that big efforts don’t come across as “creepy” or “overbearing”

• Hunt- if games and scavenger hunts were fun both to plan and to receive when you were younger, why wouldn't they be now?
• Event invitation- weddings are the most common occasion for printing fancy invitations, but for the right events, they can be fun too.

What are some of the ways you've asked out your spouse or partner?