Post-Op: First Attempts

As described in my first post, starting is hard.  I had actually anticipated starting clear back in September of this year.  I even had a few dates planned out, but one excuse after another kept telling me why it was best to wait one more week.

Going forward, you can expect Monday posts to recap on the success or failure of the most recent date plan.  Seeing as how the first date is scheduled for this coming weekend, I don’t have any post-op info yet.  Instead, here’s what happened in the previous months.

Late summer/early fall was the best time to start dating someone new, at least in my book.  You get a couple of months to “get to know each other,” before the holiday season starts.  For me, the holidays have always been the best time to be in a relationship.  That was my motivation for getting started early.

Strike 1:

My first big opportunity was during a vacation to New York with all the adult members of my immediate family (including spouses, obviously).  If you have ever seen "The Man Who Knew Too Little," then you have at least heard of the concept behind interactive theater tours.  I presented this idea to other members of the family so we could all do it together.  In the end, there was simply too much on our list of to-do’s, that we simply could not justify the time and money needed to participate. Feeling defeated, I decided to post-pone the starting date. Even though we did have an excellent night out together with just the two of us:

Top of the Empire State Building - Sept, 2013

Strike 2:

With New York having come and gone without a single planned night out, I was feeling more determined than ever to get things started and set out to make October my starting point.  Worried about being able to keep up with planning dates and writing blog posts, I tried to get a head start so I would have a bank of dates and posts to choose from if I didn't have time to plan something that week.

Here is what I came up with as I was brainstorming activities for the month:

October is a great month for dates because there is already so much to do with the Halloween season:

• Haunted House
• Corn Maze
• Thriller Movie
• Carve Pumpkins
• Halloween Party (social)
• Costume Design/Crafting
• Treats and Goodies (baking/cooking)
• Night Games (social)

Before the first weekend, the schedule looked something like this:

• Week 1- Treats
• Week 2- Murder Mystery
• Week 3- Corn Maze
• Week 4- Pumpkins
• week 5- Movie

Looking it over, I was pretty proud of my efforts so far and was looking forward to that first “date” making fun goodies.  As the day got closer, I made sure not to repeat the mistakes of September, so I committed my wife to an activity together.  At this time, I was still trying to keep my overall goal a secret, which was proving to be extremely difficult.  Although it wasn't clearly a date, I did manage to invite her out.

The day of the date in week 1, I realized a new problem…

I didn't plan a schedule!

Such a simple mistake really...when you ask out a life partner, you don’t really think you need a schedule.  It is simply the two of you.  You know each other.  It is familiar, it is casual.  There is just no reason for a formal schedule!  

...Right?  

Apparently...wrong!

This was another big lesson: the thing that makes the difference between hanging out and going out (dating) is the formality!  Simply put, you cannot call it a date if you do not have a plan.  It did not work when you were single, and it will not work in a relationship.  (And for all the exceptions out there...be quiet, I’m making a point).

Well, you can guess what happened.  The day came...the day went.  And we quietly, peacefully, enjoyed our time to ourselves.  Granted, my wife began feeling a little under par, but I certainly did not give her much reason to “get over it.”  

The rest of the month seemed to follow suit.  I still tried, just not very hard.  We went to the Murder Mystery and had a great time with friends, but I totally dropped the ball on dinner plans.

The next weekend we were ready to go to the Corn Maze when a friend offered free passes if we had given him some notice.  Feeling tired and lazy, I took his offer and postponed.  Never mind some friends were interested in coming with us and the unaltered date did not suit them.  (In other words, even though it worked out better for them that we postponed, that was not the compelling reason I made the decision.  It just made for a great excuse!)

By this time, my wife knew about my plans.  I’m not sure when I told her exactly, but having told her felt almost like a confession of failure...making it OK for me to continue to fail.  We did finally make it to the Corn Maze the following week, and we had a great time.  But it also left us feeling overwhelmed with the rest of the activities we had planned for that week.  It was just too much, too fast.  You don’t dive into a hot-tub, you gotta take it  s  l  o  w.  For those reasons, I abandoned pumpkin carving and the movie.

Strike 3?:

That brings us to now.  My 3rd pitch coming down the plate.  But this time I am prepared!  Not only do I have a plan, I have a plan to plan!  And so far, I’m sticking to it.  Now if only I could find a way to guarantee that I don’t feel lazy or tired once the day of the date arrives!