Changes in habits never come about without a plan. I've already described the basics of my overall plan, but as we know, the devil is in the details. In order for a plan to succeed, it needs to be detailed. So to recap, here are the basics:
- Improve my writing and blogging skills by committing to one post every day, for at least a year.
- Improve my relationship with my wife by starting with a weekly date night (for the rest of ever)!
- Attempt to help others by creating a resource to facilitate planning their own dates.
Truly, the third point is the primary purpose behind this blog. (Otherwise, I would be keeping my personal issues, well, personal). It’s important that I learn how to do these things myself, first, before I go sharing my “wisdom” with anyone else. And since I don’t have any of that yet, I’ll have to stay humble for now.
Now, back to the details...presented as an overview. The plan is actually kind of cool, and in spite of taking so many precautions to excuse my “noob-”ness, I’m both excited and a little terrified to share. So if you have criticisms, be gentle
I've divided the overall goal into 8 different phases, and each comes with a set of goals and objectives. I've also given a time frame to each, but it is loose, and ultimately (probably) insignificant. Anyway, here’s just a quick look:
Phase 1: Commitment
Duration: 8-20 weeks
Most of us have a hard time making commitments, but I have found that once it is made, people are generally really good about keeping their commitments. Typically, the one breaking their promises are more let down by themselves than anyone else. Point is, committing is never easy, but when you do make a commitment, it sends a strong message of love and trust.
Phase 2: Discovery
Duration: 13-26 weeks
One of the best parts about meeting someone new is learning all about them. And I don’t just mean from a love interest perspective. It’s fun to find all the things that you have in common, or listen to varying perspectives when you disagree. However, there is no reason we should ever assume that there is nothing more to learn from someone we already know. If you can honestly claim that you have not changed anything in even the past 5 years, then you are exempt, but most of us change our interests and desires constantly. The same, then, is true of our significant others!
Phase 3: Service
Duration: 9-26 weeks
Love is learned through service. Budding relationships are full of service and sacrifice, which then give life to full bloom. If a relationship is withering, you can bet that a healthy dosage of unconditional service will beat it right back to life. After all, the ultimate example of love gave His life to serving others, even those that hated Him.
Phase 4: Romance
Duration: 13-35 weeks
Everyone likes attention of the right kind, and especially from the right person! When you care about someone, you want to make them feel special. Too often, this is used as a gimmick to get attention, but at the right time in a relationship, and forever thereafter, we should be seeking to make the people we care about most feel like we care most about them!
Phase 5: Trust
Duration: 8-26 weeks
A relationship of love means nothing without fidelity. In a world where anything less than 100% is becoming more and more accepted, the issue of trust becomes so much more fragile. There are more ways to establish, and break trust than fidelity (or lack thereof), however. Feeling close and connected with someone is impossible without that leap of faith...you know the one! Opening your heart, exposing your raw self, putting everything on the table, then watching as they careful gather it up, package it nicely, and guard it right along with you.
Phase 6: Intimacy
Duration: 13-26 weeks
I have no source to back it up, but I can quote circulating rumor that among the top 3 causes of divorce, resides that of different views on intimacy...it’s that important. There are no right or wrong words that an outsider can provide other than this one: agree!
Phase 7: Epic
Duration: Undetermined
While no one expects those butterfly feelings to last forever, there is no reason why they can’t crop up every now and then for a brief reminder. On top of that, marriage should define the beginning of life, not the end of it. There really is no excuse as to why a grand adventure cannot happen after marriage (if that’s your thing, like me, anyway).
Phase 8: Rinse and Repeat
Duration: Indefinite
After spending this much time, focusing on each phase, I guarantee there will be new things to learn the second (and subsequent) times around. However, my wife and I have talked about ways to combine “old” and “new” that make the perfect recipe for this phase. That revelation will have to wait until a day much farther down the road, however.
I’ll be sticking to the low end of the time frames as much as possible for the sake of progression, but as you can see, this is not a sprint by any means!
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