The Short Date

I've mentioned a few times before that it is important to keep first dates short, but what exactly does that mean?  Does that mean you should plan on being home early in the evening?  Or does it mean that your date should only last for a specific amount of time?  Or is it both?

I don’t think it should be either.  If you are planning a date that is clearly meant to carry over through the night, then you might not be able to get your date home before the next morning.  Or you might actually be planning an activity that requires your presence for a longer time than your specific threshold.  

So let’s define this a little better...

What is a short date?

A short date is simply one in which you've eliminated all the “carry-on” moments.  Typically, on a date, you are each more excited about being with each other than being alone.  This means you would rather spend time with each other doing absolutely nothing, than to do anything else on your own.  

And it’s good to feel that way.  

That’s how it should be.  

But no matter how much you may protest, that will fade away, and you will find yourself wondering why doing nothing is better than doing something, no matter who you’re with.  The worst part is that you will begin to associate your non-productivity, something you may come to resent, with your date.  That means resenting your partner for “taking you on these ‘time-wasting’ dates.”  

And that is bad!

So in short, a short date is one that does not linger.  There is a plan, and once the planned material is done, so is the date.

How short is a short date?

This answer is relative to you and your partner, but what matters is what the current standard is.  If you cannot sustain a conversation between you and your partner for longer than a few minutes, then a short date for you should not be longer than a few minutes.  If you can laugh the night away with fun stories and memories, than a short date may be a few hours.  

If you can be locked in an isolated room together for months and come out still loving each other, than a short date for you simply does not exist, and you are welcome to ignore everything I have to say.

For most of us, I would wager that specific length will last somewhere between an hour to three.

Why should it be short?

I've already mentioned the psychology of relating negative thoughts, but, well, I've mentioned to positive ones before too, but I’ll say it again.  The basic idea is that if you are having a good time, then you will have positively associated thoughts once the date ends.  You may not want it to end, meaning you won’t necessarily be happy that it is ending, but your general memory will be a positive one.  And everyone wants to end on a good note.

On the other hand, if the date has not been so pleasant, you have the chance to turn the association around by ending early.  It gives a kind of refreshing message that, “I recognize this evening has mostly been a failure, so lets end the torture and try again next week with some amendments.”  

Basically, it tells your partner that you are aware!  

In almost any situation I've had where my wife or I were struggling with one another, it has best been resolved when we hear the words, “I can understand why you are upset.”  

We all just want to be understood!

So remember, always keep the date short.